Body Image

No matter how much you try to not be affected by the media, by peoples comments, by gossip, or by others opinions of you, there will always be those areas of self-doubt lingering in your mind.  Who from the 90's doesn't remember "36-24-36 - Haha.  Only if she's 5'3"!"  (Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back).  When that song came out, I remember going to go find my mom's measuring tape to find out what my measurements were, and then worrying that they weren't good enough.  I think I have only had 2 years since I was 16 years old where I didn't care about what others thought of me and my body.  Ahhh, the freedom of I not trying to cover myself up in baggy clothes or to dress sexy - I wore what I wanted instead of trying to fit into what everyone else was wearing.  All of my friends had such completely different body types that we never felt like we had to look like each other. 

After having major body image issues for 14 years, I'm on the road to try to fix myself - body, mind, and soul.  I am really trying hard to get it into my head that I don't have to look like anyone else to be happy.  That's pretty tough though, can I just tell you?!  Countless research has shown that we remember bad things easier and more vividly than the good things.  So, 10 of your friends say that they love your new hair cut and color, but 1 criticizes it - she says it makes you look weird or something.  You know the others loved it, but that 1 person created such doubt in your mind that now all you see in the mirror is that you look weird, even if you loved it before she said anything.  And what's even worse about it is that it works with both direct, indirect, and off-handed comments.  For example: Your boyfriend says "Megan Fox is hot!"  What you should say is "Yeah, she's beautiful."  But all too often you are thinking "Oh no. He likes brunettes.  Maybe I should dye my hair." or "He must think I'm fat compared to her."   REALITY CHECK - He isn't comparing you to Megan Fox, so why should you?  When you say "Brad Pitt is handsome", you aren't comparing your boyfriend to him - so remember that it works the same way with him.

To top it all off, we are actively trying to make ourselves feel even worse!  We make comments about ourselves and then judge other peoples reactions to what we said.  "I'm so big and ugly!"  If they don't automatically say "No, you're beautiful!" or "You're not fat.", or even just "I like you just the way you are!", then we worry that they are trying to find a tactful way of saying that they agree with you.  If they wait a couple of seconds to say something positive, then we jump to the conclusion that they are lying to spare our feelings.  So then not only are you thinking something bad about yourself, then you think that the other person agrees with you.  Why do we do that to ourselves!?!?!?!  And the even bigger question is - How do we stop doing it?

While reading the November Glamour magazine, some Victoria's Secret models admitted that they have body images as well.  On a job, they have professional make up, stylists, hair dressers, great lighting, and if that doesn't make them look amazing enough, then their photos are retouched to perfection.  When they are home without those things, they compare their real selves to their modeling photos, and it makes them feel bad.  Photoshop can be a great tool, don't get me wrong.  When I was having my senior pictures done in high school, the majority of them were taken outside with the mosquitoes eating away at me.  When I went in to view the photos, my face and body were covered with large red bites, and in several photos you could actually see the bugs on my skin!  I had those re-touched to remove the bites and the bugs, so then what was left was the real me.  But all to often now, people are using the programs to slim their bodies, tame their hair, even out their skin, and even make themselves taller.  Then they wonder why the person in the mirror doesn't match their cool Facebook photo! 

If you're not happy about a facet of your image, then do something about it.  If you think you're fat, then diet, join the gym, or do other activities to get into shape.  If you have bad skin, see a dermatologist.  If you don't like your teeth, see a dentist or orthodontist.  If you can't get passed your issues, try seeing a therapist.   I know that all of this is easier said than done.  I have been going to the gym for almost 4 years now, and I am still unhappy with my body, all the time.  I hate that I can't get the bad comments out of my head, especially when my husband looks at me like I am the most beautiful and sexy woman alive. I need to start seeing myself the way he sees me.

Sometimes it would be nice to be a man.  Even if they have body issues, they are a lot better at covering them up.  I had to laugh when I saw the photo below.  It just says it all, right?

So the next time you hear things like:

• You look so much prettier with long hair.
• Have you thought about updating your wardrobe?
• If you were mine, I would get you down to 120 lbs. 
• I would be so much more excited if you were talking about you getting Botox.
• If you had bigger boobs, then the rest of you would look smaller.  
• Your butt looks saggy in those jeans.
• I hate bright nail polish - but on you it's okay.... 

Remember that some comments may be meant to bring you down, but others may be meant to bring you up!  And if you don't like the comments the way they were said, try to put a positive spin on it in your head. 
"Yeah, I do look pretty with long hair, but my short haircut rocks, it's versatile, and easy to do!" 
"Yep, I need to get new jeans, because I have literally been working my ass off at the gym!"

I am not sure if I will ever have a good body image of my complete self.  I will always have stretch marks (or my "tiger stripes" from being pregnant), I have a baby-belly shelf, I have some saggy skin from losing weight that I pray tightens up, and I have a weird frankenstein scar on my back from my surgery.  I can't change those things, so I need to learn to accept them and just try to change the things that I can.  I can continue to tone my body, get clothes that fit well, and I am going to get braces to fix the crowding in my teeth.  There will be other things along the way, but right now, even slow progress is progress.  :)