Face Fat

Parental Advisory - Adult content.  LOL
Now that I have that out of the way....  I have been wanting to share this for a while.  But you know, it may not be suitable to tell the people that really need to know it. 
Face Fat - this doesn't have to mean that you are all over fat.  There are some people that just hold onto the chubby cheeks for a while.  And there are some people that when they start to gain some weight, that is the first place that it starts to show.  I am one of them.  I have high cheek bones, so when my face gets a little chubby, it is pretty noticeable.  It was really bad the first time I got pregnant.  Pregnant face is one of the worst Fat Face scenarios, because it seems like every woman gets it.  But I will let you in on a few things to do to not get Fat Face, or to widdle away your chubby cheeks and double chin.   It boils down to using the muscles in your face and jaw. 
1) Smile.  Simple enough, huh?  Smile, laugh, chat.  Use those muscles to make your whole well-being better. 
2) Chew gum.  It keeps your mouth busy so that you aren't putting food in it, and it is working out your jaw which will help your whole face.  But unlike eating to work out your jaw, you are consuming a minimal amount of calories and your "workout" lasts longer than a 15 minute meal. 
3) Eat Ice!  Oh, I know that some dentists will read that and want to strangle me.  But my dad used to eat ice, and I just sort of started the habit too.  When I was in high school, that was how I beat the munchies.  And I was really bad too.  I wouldn't even put liquid in my cup of ice.  It drove people nuts! I did that through college and even the first couple of years we lived together.  eventually I stopped when we bought the house and it had air conditioning.  It gets really cold eating ice!  But then you aren't snacking but still getting a face workout. 
4) Give head.  Now, guys are going "Whoohoo.  I can use that to my advantage!"  But I am very serious.  Here me out.  When I was pregnant the first time, I felt sick almost the whole time.  I was still horny - big thing about pregnancy in your 2nd trimester.  So, we had sex a lot, but I didn't give head because I didn't want to gag and throw up.  But when I was pregnant with Aaron, I was on pelvic rest and we couldn't have sex for 4 months.  I couldn't just leave my husband high and dry, so I gave him head almost every night.  In turn, I really didn't have pregnant face the 2nd time around.  Now, I know that it isn't possible for every woman to do that all the time - you have to have a man around for that one.  But take advantage, and I am sure that your man will appreciate it and thank you in his own way. 
There you go.  Comment or post back if you have other ways of getting rid of face fat.  If you like your chubby cheeks, then feel free to ignore all of the advice in this column.  And if you just think I am crazy - Yep, I am.  Join the club - it's fantastic!  :)

Dirty math problem

This is a dirty math problem that I started thinking about while laying in bed one morning - see, random thoughts.
A guy has to be to work at 8 am.  It takes him between 25 and 30 minutes to get to work on an average morning.  It take him 5 minutes to get dressed/ready and another 5 minutes to make his lunch.  It then takes him 5-10 minutes to get his breakfast eaten and get out the door.  When should he set his alarm for, taking into consideration that he normally wakes up with morning wood and needs to take care of that before he gets out of bed? 
And, if he forgets to set his alarm and wakes up at sat, 7:25, what does decide to not do in the morning or rush doing?  Brush his teeth while peeing?  Take breakfast to go and go out for lunch?  Jerk off at work?  Or does he just stay in bed, do his thing, and take the chance of getting to work late?
I was reading an article in Glamour this month that says something like 31% of men that took this survey have masterbated at work.  That seemed pretty shocking to me.  Where do these guys work that they could get away with it?  Are they big-wigs that can shut and lock their office doors?  Is there a private bathroom or shower?   I can see it happening, but that number just seemed higher to me than I would have thought. 

Loving the butt of the moment

I don't believe I have thought this since I was 20 - I LOVE MY BUTT!  LMAO.  Okay, I don't LOVE it, but I think it looks pretty darn good.  I can see the work that went into it, and it looks pretty awesome in my size 8 Gap jeans.  I love not hiding it, and I secretly check myself out in the mirror a lot more than I should.  James would say it's no secret - but he is the only one I let catch me doing it.  I am sure that in another couple of months, I will like it even more.  And if I should ever get my ass into a size 6 (knock on wood!), I can't even imagine how much I will like it.  I will be one of those women walking around in only a t-shirt and panties just to show it off.  Wait - I already do that!  It will end up being just a sports bra and panties I guess.  Time for the undie run!!!!  :) 

Odd connections

Have you ever had a weird connection with someone?  And it I don't mean someone you know.  This is weird, so I hope I can explain it right.  It is more of a bodily awareness, or a subconscious awareness.  Not sure.  Okay, so if you go to the same place with the same people often, is there one person or a couple of people that you notice first?  And I am not talking about looking for those people.  But those people that you just SEE.....  I am curious as to how that happens.  And are the people you are aware of as aware of you?  This is one of my examples - There is a girl at the gym that I always "see".  and I feel like she always has the same clothes on, and the same look on her face.  After a year, she still looks the exact same!  It's weird - does she notice me too?  Or this one guy that I always see there.  I was on a treadmill once and was looking in the pool area at the workers maintaining and he just popped right into my view.  And then I felt awkward.....  But it was just me.  I have many people like that, in many different situations - it is because the things I do are extremely repetitive.  I go to the schools, to freerunning, to the gym, at the same times, with the same people.  Every day is the same......
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Orange

If you had orange stripes or highlights in your hair in June in Denver, people would just think you were fun and funky!  But if you have orange stripes in December or January, people assume you are a rabid Broncos fan.  Not always the case, either way.

Peg Leg

We are watching the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and my husband randomly said "I want a peg leg".  If that isn't a random thought, I don't know what is.  So, when I laughed my butt off at that, he followed it up by saying that he can hide booze in there - what's not to like! 

My wallowing

going to the dr. tomorrow to find out if i have sprained/strained/pulled a muscle or muscles in my right leg.  but, if i am put on a "no running" status, it means I can't do the Cupid's Undie Run in Denver next month.  I have been thinking about missing it.  and really, does anyone want to freeze their lady parts off?  or see a bunch of men with shrinkage?  Nope!   But I don't want to miss the experience.  The people watching.  The party.  How much fun does that sound!  Just a thought....